To enhance the clarity and adherence to our house style guide, several adjustments are recommended for the provided text. The feedback below aims to refine the piece, ensuring it aligns with the principles of composition and usage outlined in the guide. 1. **Commas and Co-ordinate Clauses**: The initial sentence lacks necessary punctuation to separate distinct ideas, violating rules regarding the use of commas before conjunctions introducing co-ordinate clauses (Section II, Rule 4). Original: "In 1788 the King's advisers warned him that the nation was facing bankruptcy therefore he summoned a body called the States-General believing that it would authorize him to levy new taxes." Suggested: "In 1788, the King's advisers warned him that the nation was facing bankruptcy, and therefore, he summoned a body called the States-General, believing that it would authorize him to levy new taxes." 2. **Series of Terms**: The enumeration of the people's sufferings lacks the Oxford comma, conflicting with the elementary rules of usage (Section II, Rule 2). Original: "...were suffering from burdensome taxation oppressive social injustice and acute scarcity of food..." Suggested: "...were suffering from burdensome taxation, oppressive social injustice, and acute scarcity of food..." 3. **Parenthetic Expressions**: The clause regarding the King's lack of realization should be enclosed in commas to clarify its parenthetic nature (Section II, Rule 3). Original: "The King who did not realize the gravity of the situation tried to overawe them..." Suggested: "The King, who did not realize the gravity of the situation, tried to overawe them..." 4. **Active Voice Preference**: The passage's voice can be more direct and vigorous by employing the active voice, particularly in describing actions taken by the people and the King (Section III, Rule 10). Original: "...militia companies to defend their representatives were organized by the people of Paris." Suggested: "The people of Paris organized militia companies to defend their representatives." 5. **Vague Language and Definiteness**: The description of the King's actions and the people's response is somewhat vague and can benefit from more concrete language, as recommended in the principles of composition (Section III, Rule 12). Original: "The King tried to overawe them, collecting soldiers in and about Versailles." Suggested: "To intimidate the assembly, the King amassed soldiers around Versailles." 6. **Omission of Needless Words**: The text contains redundancies that could be eliminated to adhere to the principle of omitting needless words for conciseness (Section III, Rule 13). Original: "In order to supply themselves with arms, they attacked the Invalides and the Bastille, which contained the principal supplies of arms and munitions in Paris." Suggested: "To arm themselves, they seized the Invalides and the Bastille, housing Paris's main munitions." By implementing these suggestions, the piece will not only adhere more closely to the house style guide but will also gain in clarity, conciseness, and overall readability.
Great, put all of those edits together and rewrite the original text with these edits.
In 1788, the King's advisers warned him that the nation was facing bankruptcy, and therefore, he summoned a body called the States-General, believing that it would authorize him to levy new taxes. The people of France, however, were suffering from burdensome taxation, oppressive social injustice, and acute scarcity of food, and their representatives refused to consider projects of taxation until social and economic reforms should be granted. The King, who did not realize the gravity of the situation, tried to overawe them by amassing soldiers around Versailles, where the sessions were being held. To defend their representatives, the people of Paris organized militia companies. To arm themselves, they seized the Invalides and the Bastille, housing Paris's main munitions.
Saved Thursday, February 29, 2024 at 10:58 pm